*bring bring* – *bring bring* -*bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* -*bring bring* – *bring bring*

“Thank you for calling. If you are looking for X, please dial Y, if you are calling for Z then you must please hang up and call 1890 CUNTBAG.

No yas bastards, I’m losing the will to live!

Please listen carefully and choose from the following options:

For XY, press 1.

For XYZ, press 2.

For ABC, press 3.

For DEF, press 4.

For ZAX, press 5.

If at any time you wish to speak to a customer service representative press zero.”

*presses zero*

*bring bring* – *bring bring* -*bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* – *bring bring* -*bring bring* – *bring bring*

“Thank you, the call centre is closed at this time (12.45pm, seriously). To return to the main menu press star.”

*presses star*

“Thanks for your call, goodbye.”

ARRRRRRRRRRRGH.

I will ram my fist up their star if I ever manage to get hold of them.