I fucking hate cocktails. I don’t just hate them because the are bright blue and taste sweet enough to give you fucking diabetes, although they are both factors. What I really, really loathe are the stupid sexually risque names they are given like “Sex on the Beach”, “Deep Throat” or “Up The Wrong ‘Un”.
“Ooh, ooh, (snigger) what I really want (snigger) is a Multiple Orgasm (hee hee)”
No, what you want, love, is fucking good glassing, you fat, ugly, sweaty whore.
And those stupid show offs who think it is great to throw bottles and glasses around the place as they ‘mix’ their sickly concoctions, they get right on my nads. If you really must make one, just shake it up discretely and pass it to me so I can pour it down the sink, stop drawing attention to yourself. Imagine if they went through all of that shite when pouring you a pint of Guinness? You would slap them round the face and tell them to snap out of it, wouldn’t you?
The worlds most expensive cocktail can be purchased, if yer mad enough at Belfast Merchant Hotel for a whopping £750 a pop. Called the Mai Tai. Roughly translated, Mai Tai means “Out of this world – the best.”
It’s made of golden Jamaican rum with fresh lime juice then they sweeten it up with orange curacao from Holland then a dash of French orgeat. That last frog thing is almond flavour I think.
The drink is then chilled with shaved ice and served in a 15-ounce glass.
The bottle of rum currently allocated to the Merchant is one of only six bottles available in the world to date.
Something tells me that once those six bottles of rum disappear down the bog another six will miracuously appear on the scene.
Sounds friggin boggin to me. I’m glad I’m poor hehehe!
Across the border, only thirsty beneficiaries of Ireland’s Celtic Tiger economy may be able to afford a cocktail on offer at a Dublin hotel.
The “Minted” cocktail – a vanilla and chocolate Martini – is on sale at the Mint Bar in the five-star hotel at College Green.. It costs £340.
It also includes vanilla-infused vodka, 200-year-old cognac and flakes of 23-carat gold.
It comes in a Jasper Conran Waterford Crystal glass with gold leaf around the lip and gold leaf shavings in the booze, with chocolate truffles served on the side. Oh and you get to keep the glass after and get a second empty glass to take home with it. But if yas just want a nice pair of cocktail glasses, they retail at around £70 a pair. So if I was you lot, I’d just buy the glasses, put em on display and spend the rest of the money on a few cases of beer, a curry and the odd bottle of voddie or six.
I’ve seen the Minted and it looks like a glass of milk to me and all those gold flakes look like they could choke ya.
Mines a pint!
