Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m a sucker for gadgets. I could very easily spend hours just looking at stuff and fiddling with it. And I have a load of, well old crap basically that I buy then never use.
Something I do use often though is my shredder. Not exactly high tech but very handy indeed. There’s loads of different kinds of shredders. From pretty basic to cross shredders. It just depends how safe you want your information to stay when you chop it up.
If you don’t want borderline autistic identity thieves to piece all of your information together like a big jigsaw puzzle in order to get at your Tesco Clubcard points, then you have to get a certain type of cross-shredder.
My previous anti-identity theft tactics had been completely fool proof. I simply avoided throwing away anything with my name on it. Boxes and boxes of crap stored away that dated back to when I was at universtiy.
Actually, my shredder is pretty cool, as shredders go. Unfortunately, there are only so many times you can watch a batch of eight (yes, eight!) sheets of paper being sucked into the cutting mechanism before you get quite bored by it. The amount of times the equivalent of the number of sheets in a quarter of a box of paper (divided by eight, yes eight!), in fact. Which is not very much when you have just over six boxes to shred. OK I’m waffling a bit!
One cool feature it does have though, is a safety mechanism which stops the cutters if a human finger gets too close. And also other animal fingers I imagine. (Not that I have a pet monkey or anything). What I do not understand is why I keep testing this safety feature. I know it works. It has worked every time I have tried it (0ver 50 as a conservative estimate).
If, just once, it doesn’t work, I am going to lose a digit. All because I want my toy to seem a bit more interesting. I have no idea how I would explain such an incident.
“Oh dear, did you lose that finger shark diving in Donaghadee?”
“Ouch, did that get ripped off saving that child from the runaway car at Barrys amusements?”
Or
“You lost it trying the safety feature on your paper shredder? For the eighty seventh time? What was it about the first eighty six times that led you to believe you needed just one more test?”
I do still have ten digits, for clarification, but I have no idea how long this will remain the case. I simply can not stop myself. I think perhaps I need help.
Interesting idea though for “finger food” for my Christmas party! And a great way to get the greedy bastards to piss off home early, mwahahahaha!
